The Weight Of Us Read online

  Audrey pulls back catching her breath. “Nate, that was...” she pauses to find her words.

  I’m waiting for her to say that its wrong, to run away, but she doesn’t.

  “Don’t fight it, Audrey. You want me, I want you.” I kiss her once more as the rain blows in on us. She steals my breath away and this time it’s me who has to pull back. Because right now I want to push her against the glass door and devour her.

  “Joey,” she whispers his name as if it’s dirty and not meant to be spoken between us.

  “He isn’t here, and he’d want you to be happy, even if it’s only when it rains.”

  Her eyes crinkle as she tries to clear her head.

  “It’s not that I don’t find you attractive, Nate. I do, but he’s still in my heart.” Tears trickle down her pale cheeks.

  “He’s in mine too,” I tell her gently as I brush away her tears with my thumbs. “Come inside. We don’t have to do anything, I’m just not ready for the rain to stop.”

  She doesn’t say a word but takes my outstretched hand. I lead her into my place. There’s no way I can go to her apartment and be face to face with my brother’s memory. I know he’d want Audrey to be happy, but despite what I told her, I’m really not sure how he would feel if it were with me.

  Inside, she takes a seat on the couch. Her damp clothes are sticking to her, and I want nothing more than to peel them from her body, but I’m not sure how receptive she’ll be to the idea. Wanting Audrey is unexpected, I wasn’t seeking this connection out, but it’s happened. And for reasons the world may never understand, my mother seems to think we would be good for each other.

  She’s called me a few times this week making sure Audrey and I were doing okay with the bar. She even had the nerve to tell me I should ask Audrey out on a date. So I did and it was nice. We had a good time.

  Sitting next to her, I fight against the anxiety that is beginning to creep up on me and ruin this night. Audrey is nervous too. Bracing her shaking knee, I still her movements. She places her hand over mine. “I’m scared that when tomorrow comes, we’ll wake up with regrets. Blaming it on the alcohol or the full moon. Our shared love of the rain.”

  “Everything won’t always go the way we plan. We have no control over life—fate. We can only live in the now, and right now I want nothing more than to feel you skin to skin, Audrey,” I admit. Fuck do I want her so Goddamn bad. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything.

  She sucks in a deep breath hearing my confession. She might tell me to get fucked, but I couldn’t go another minute without telling her how I really feel. From the moment I saw her biting that damn strawberry, I’ve pictured her on her knees while taking my cock in her mouth.

  “Tell me about your dreams, the demons that haunt you. Tell me everything bad you ever did. I’ll tell you mine and see how we still feel. Sex between us, I don’t doubt it’d be amazing, but if we can share the darkest pieces of ourselves, and still want to look at each other after, then and only then, will I give this,” she pauses pointing between us, “another thought.”

  I try to pull away, but she holds my hand firmly. “It’s easy to run away, but it’s a hell of a lot harder to stay when shit gets tough, Nate.”

  She doesn’t waste any time getting into the heavy.

  “You’re right. I dream about gruesome shit, Audrey. Some things I only witnessed while others I was responsible for. I have a lot of regrets.” I think of all the deaths I was part of, and my breathing nearly ceases, but Audrey’s presence keeps me on solid ground.

  “Like what?” She squeezes my hand.

  I don’t want to talk about combat, so I focus on her, and what I have wanted to tell her since I remembered how we met. “Three years ago, before I joined the Army, I was at a bar, Dusty Rose’s. I would go there and listen to a beautiful woman sing. I met this brown-haired girl, with gorgeous green eyes one night. She was hella drunk. Couldn’t hold her head up. I took her to her motel room and got her to bed. I left never knowing her name, until recently. I regret not asking for your name and your number, because I met you first, and life might have turned out different if I hadn’t walked away.”

  “Nate…I don’t know what to say.” She touches her swollen lips.

  “That’s okay because I do.” I turn her face towards mine. Her eyes are sparkling with unshed tears. “I know you loved my brother and he loved you, but everything happens for a reason. Every choice, every word. They all mean something and set off the events that shape our lives. I would give anything to bring Joe JR back. I’d give anything to go back and make you mine first when I had the chance. Maybe you were meant to be with Joe, but maybe you were meant to be with me too. I don’t know if I am explaining myself very well, but, Audrey… I want you and I need you. You’re meant to be with me now. I can feel it in my bones. I can feel it in here.” I place her palm over my heart.

  She pulls her hand away and I immediately miss our connection. “Did you feel it in your bones when you were fucking your easy lay against the wall. Don’t try to deny it. I heard you.” She’s jealous of me being with someone else. However, I don’t know what she’s referring to.

  “What? I don’t know what you are talking about. Audrey, I’ve not brought anyone home with me. I’ve not been with my ex in three years.”

  “When you first came home, your first night back, I was lying in bed. I heard you come in, and you had a woman with you. You were both very vocal while you were fucking against the other side of my bedroom wall.”

  I can’t help but laugh. Trey and Natalie. I saw them leaving together from my parent’s house.

  “Why are you laughing?”

  “That had to of been Trey and Nattie the night he showed up. He brought some boxes over, and she had the key to let him in,” I explain.

  “Well this just got awkward…,” she trails off.

  “Why?” I’m curious.

  She swallows, blushes, then looks away.

  “Tell me,” I demand, not letting her off easy.

  “I got jealous, but more than that…I touched myself while thinking of you—wishing it were me, being taken by you.”

  I kiss her fingertips wishing I could taste her and pull her body into mine. “No need to be embarrassed. I jack myself off in the shower every morning to thoughts of you. But I’m done fucking around, Audrey. I want you and I intend to have you.”

  I lean into her personal space not giving her a chance to run, or myself for that matter. Pushing her shirt from her shoulder, I kiss her bare skin, working my way up her neck, along her jaw, and to her sweet mouth, that feels like it was made for kissing me.

  Her tongue sweeps against mine, as her nipple presses into my arm. She straddles my lap, going all in with me.

  The wetness from her damp pants seeps into mine as we continue to kiss. Moving my hands down her hips, I want her pants off. I don’t want anything between us.

  I tell her to take them off and she complies. She sheds her shirt and her tank top as well, left in nothing but a pair of barely there white lace panties.

  I pull her back down to my lap. Her pussy rubs against my erection and I about get off I want her so damn bad. If it weren’t for my jacking off so often here lately, I’d be nutting all in my pants right now.

  Fuck she feels so good.

  She feels like she was meant to be mine.

  Her body rocks into mine as she deepens not only our kiss but our connection. This isn’t lust. Not entirely. At least not for me.

  Somehow, I have fallen for her.

  She’s mine.

  Audrey was meant to be mine.

  I met her first.

  I should have had her and not my brother.

  Maybe the thought makes me a terrible person, but I never said I was good.

  My fingers dig into her hips and under the edge of her sexy lace, wanting to feel the heat of her fire.

  Audrey is coming alive under my touch.

  She makes me want things I shouldn’t.r />
  I want to take her to my bed and never let her leave. I want to fill her up with my come and make a baby with her. I want to give her the life that my brother promised.

  Chapter 16

  Audrey

  I’m not thinking. Only feeling in this moment. Right now, Nate’s fingers on me feels pretty spectacular. His hands are large and rough as he rubs my back tenderly, reminding my body how good it is to be wanted and touched. Reminding me what it’s like to live.

  His tongue brushes over my nipple before sucking it into his hungry mouth. I grind down on the prominent bulge in his pants, aching to ride him. I want him inside me. I want this man to devour me.

  With his mouth latched to my nipple, he picks me up as he stands. His hands are supporting me other than my legs hooked around his waist. He only stops teasing me to navigate us to the bedroom. He’s holding me tight against his bare chest as he walks down the hall and feeling him skin to skin is indescribable.

  Our bodies mold together perfectly as if we were always meant to be joined as we lay down on his bed.

  We continue to taste and suck on one another’s bodies as we lay intertwined on his cool sheets. Nate works his way down my body, tugging my panties off as he goes. Pushing my thighs apart, he looks up at me making me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

  “I can’t wait to taste you.” His head dips down, licking his tongue along the slit of my pussy lips, languidly. Teasing my clit with his finger, he circles the sensitive area as he continues to lick and explore.

  My thighs squeeze against his head I run my fingers through his hair, loving how good this man is making me feel. Feelings I thought I would never find again with another soul.

  When Nate pushes a finger inside me, I moan at the sensation as he makes a come her motion finding my sweet spot. His eager mouth and torturous fingers continue to assault my pussy, but I want nothing more than for him to fuck me.

  His mouth sucks down hard on my pulsing clit as he adds in a second finger and teases at my forbidden hole with his thumb and within seconds I am getting off.

  Nate groans as he licks his fingers clean and snakes up my body, kissing every inch of my skin along the way until he reaches my mouth.

  “Pants off,” I whisper against his lips, tasting myself on them while tugging on the drawstring.

  He slips his hands along the waistband, and I roll over to give him room to remove his pants.

  His erection springs free, resting on his abdomen. He’s big, larger than Joey. I push that out of my head though. If I start thinking about him, I’ll end up running away. And I not only want this—I need it. I need Nate in a way I’ve never needed anyone else. It scares the hell out of me but as I look at him stroking his thick cock, he’s picture perfect and alive. He’s flesh and bone with a heart that is beating wildly for me right now.

  Nate pulls me back onto him and I straddle him. My pussy rubs against his rigid shaft, teasing at what I want, coating his hot flesh with my arousal.

  His mouth is on mine, claiming me if only for tonight.

  He bites my lip sucking it between his parted lips as I continue to rub against him. I can’t get enough of his touch, his mouth.

  Nate digs his fingers into my ass cheeks, while his other hand guides his cock to my awaiting slit. I slide down on him and brace my hands on his shoulders as he stretches me. Thrusting up, he impales me on his thick length and a shudder of pleasure ripple throughs me.

  I ride him hard and fast, bouncing my tits as I rock against his hips. God he feels so good. Too good. I can feel another orgasm building as our bodies move together.

  Nate watches me with a heated gaze, never taking his off me. “You feel so damn good, Audrey. I’m gonna get you off and then I’m going to come all over your ass,” he promises.

  His fingers rub over my clit as I lean back on his thighs with him still inside me. I squeeze his dick as I move up and down and go side to side slowly. My body begins to tremble as fireworks dance behind my eyelids. I still, riding the wave of my second orgasm out.

  He pulls me down so that we are lying chest to chest, and he massages my back under my blanket of hair, while I recover. “Your body was made for loving mine,” he whispers, and I try to ignore the L word.

  Nate presses a sweet kiss to my temple before I slide over and lie on my stomach with my ass in the air, ready and waiting. “I believe you promised to come all over my ass,” I tease wiggling my butt at him.

  He smacks my left cheek, my skin stings, but it’s a good ache. He lines up behind me and guides himself in slowly, taking his time, enjoying the sensation of our connection.

  Light kisses trail my spine as he presses down on me, filling me completely.

  Grabbing my hair, he wraps it around his fist and tugs firmly, using my hair and my shoulder as a brace for the impact. He starts working in and out of me faster and faster, pulling on my hair with his fingers digging into my shoulder.

  Sweat beads drop onto my skin as he keeps up his pace. Brutal, unforgiving, and deliciously rough. His body drives into mine, slamming the bed into the wall so hard I am afraid he will push us through to my apartment.

  “Fuck, Audrey.” My name is a heated whisper on his breath. He pulls my body up against his chest and his hand moves around to my front, fondling my clit as he thrusts at a leisurely pace, slowing his rhythm and kissing my neck. I feel him everywhere and I get off a third time.

  Then not exactly how I imagined he would, Nate shoves me back down on the bed and takes me missionary style. His greedy mouth comes down on my nipple, sucking the tender bud between his teeth playfully. I hook my ankles around him, holding him to me, not giving him room to pull away. He feels so perfect in me…for me. And he was right our bodies know what the other needs as though we have done this countless times.

  He pumps into me harder as he grins lazily at me with sweat beading across his brow. His lips find mine once more before he presses his body down on mine. His body trembles then bites down on my shoulder as he comes, only he doesn’t pull out. At first it feels so good I don’t realize the most important thing. The one thing that I should have thought about, but I was letting my desire lead me. I am freaking out internally. We didn’t use protection, and I stopped my birth control after Joey. His name is like a slap to my face, and the tears begin to well up in my eyes. I turn my head to the side and bite down on the pillow, begging those damn tears not to fall.

  Nate pulls out, collapsing next to me breathing as hard as I am. My chest heaves. I feel like I can’t breathe...what did I just do?

  I run to the bathroom quickly with his semen running down my leg, and I pray that he doesn’t have Olympic swimmers.

  I feel like a dirty whore.

  Chapter 17

  Natalie

  The past week has been amazing. I admit I was still skeptical of Trey the morning after he showed up barring his secrets. He had been gone for a good two years and I was so caught up in the heat of the moment when he was looking at me all sweet and sexy. I have to admit I wasn’t expecting him to show up on my cruise and try to convince me he’s here to stay. The mechanic shop he works at is the next town over, but the commute wouldn’t be hard if I decide to take him up on his offer. He has a house there, and says he wants me to move in with him, so he can prove to me that we’d be the perfect fit. I don’t know if I want to move in with him. I don’t even know who he is anymore. He’s a dad. What if his kids hates me or what if his ex-wife decides she wants him back?

  I know he’s being sincere, but to move in with him and play pretend, that’s a bit farfetched. I can’t stop myself from daydreaming about a life with him though. His place is bigger, and it would be ideal if we want to start a family of our own, eventually. We have time to decide though. We’re taking our time, and not getting in a hurry to make any huge decisions. I told Trey the more he pressures me the more he will push me away.

  Right now I can’t decide if I want to kiss him or punch him. He keeps trying to cop a
feel of my boob in the backseat of Ma’s Escalade.

  I keep shoving his hand away. My mind isn’t on us now that we are stateside.

  I worry too much about Nate and Audrey. Could they run the bar together as a team if I were to move in with Trey?

  I would make the commute at first, but if Trey and me ever got serious, and one day had kids…changes would need to be made.

  Trey grabs my nipple and pinches it hard and I scowl. He smiles, and I smile back, when I should pinch him back.

  My trip to the Bahamas was better than I could’ve ever dreamed.

  I spent every waking moment for the first three days naked, while either under or on top of Trey.

  The beach was gorgeous, but I could’ve been anywhere with him and been happy, until he pissed me off with his marriage talk.

  I’m nervous to meet his son. Sure, the kid is hardly two, but I don’t want to make a bad impression on him. Kids make me nervous.

  Ma just picked us up from the airport. I’m exhausted, hungry, and concerned by Ma’s lack of talking. She’s being oddly quiet. She isn’t a quiet woman.

  I lay my head on Trey’s shoulder in the backseat and doze off for the rest of the three-hour ride.

  When I awaken, we are pulling into the driveway at my parent’s house.

  Trey nudges me gently. “Wake up, we’re home.”

  Ma finally breaks her silence. “I cooked. Nate is coming over. We all need to talk about some things.” She gets out of the car before I can ask what in the hell is going on.

  I haven’t told her about possibly moving in with Trey I know how she was about Joe JR and Audrey living together. What if he leaves toothpaste all in the sink at night? Or leaves his dirty dishes laying around and dirty underwear. What if he decides he doesn’t want to be with me? I’m no longer that timid girl who used to follow him around. I’ve changed. We both have.

  I look at my man, but he shrugs as clueless as I am. “Did she not talk the whole drive here?”