The Suffocation of Katie Read online

  The Suffocation of Katie

  A New Adult Novel

  Glenna Maynard

  Copyright © Glenna Maynard 2015 The Suffocation of Katie

  This is a work of fiction. Names characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously and any resemblance to actual people, alive or dead, business, establishments, locals or events is entirely coincidental. Any reference to real events, business, organizations or locals is intended only to give the fiction a sense of realism and authenticity. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means – electronic, mechanical, photographic (photocopying), recording, or otherwise – without prior permission in writing from the author.

  Editing Crystal Sosa

  Dedication

  To those who have found themselves lost.

  Acknowledgement

  Thank you to those who believed in a girl with these voices in her head.

  Morgan thank you for always being by my side.

  Special thank you to Emily for naming Kai.

  Michelle thank you for all that you do! You are my rock star!

  Dawn one day we will rule the world!

  To my rebels thank you so much for everything I love your faces!

  Kai Cooper is my pain and I’m Katie, his biggest regret. This our love story and the journey to his first album—The Suffocation of Katie.

  Kai—the lead singer of Cooper’s Religion, pulls up a stool and lowers the mic. Taking his seat with his guitar strapped over his chest, brown shaggy hair hangs across his eyes. His hand shifts, brushing his hair back and he smiles when a girl screams out, ‘I love you Kai.’ His dimples pierce straight through me owning my soul.

  His voice comes out so soft and smooth, it is sexual and romantic the way he strums his guitar. “If this is what being hurt by you feels like, then…I love pain…” No lyric has ever rang more true for me. “Being loved is just like being suffocated.”

  His fingers move through the chords with ease and he looks at me, his eyes burning with desire. “I’m on fire,” he sings the chorus and I die a little on the inside. “I’ll be your pain and you’ll be my biggest regret…you set me on fire. Give me your love and suffocate me…I’m on fire.”

  Suffocation is the process of asphyxiation.

  Asphyxia, derived from the Greek language, meaning without a heartbeat.

  Being loved is just like being suffocated. This is the Suffocation of Katie.

  Chapter 1

  Slender cold fingers pluck one of my earbuds out. “Straight home after school.”

  “Yes, mother,” I groan not bothering to look at her. She kisses the top of my head and I shrink away from her touch. It’s not that I don’t love my mother. I do. There are just some things that alter your perception of people. Once you know, their dirty truth, there is no going back with them. I carry my mother’s guilt; her sins are with me every day…I suppose that makes me a hypocrite, considering I have guilt and sins of my own.

  She sticks my bud back in my ear and I continue to slurp the last of the milk circling the bottom of my cereal bowl. I shiver as I get the last drop. The past year has been rough. The heating in our old house isn’t that great. I taped a trash bag over my bedroom window to try to keep some of the draft away.

  We can’t afford my getting sick again. Two years ago, I came down with pneumonia and spent a very dull week in the hospital. My mom, she missed a lot of work so she could sit at my bedside and paint my toenails pink. I hate pink, I think she did it trying to get a rise out of me, but I begged her to go home. Honestly, I think she was there because my doctor was young and hot. And well…my mother, she never passes up a chance to flirt with a good-looking man, especially one who has money.

  No one knows what my home life is like. I lie to everyone. I tell my friends that my mother is just a waitress at the local diner. The lie is much easier than the truth. My mother doesn’t just work the normal nine to five at the diner; she turns tricks on the side. My mother is a glorified prostitute. Classy right? I hate it.

  My mom didn’t grow up dreaming of being a hooker. She said that men were going to take that piece of her regardless; she might as well be paid for it.

  She says to me, ‘Katie I do everything I do, because that’s how much I love you.’ Have you ever had someone love you so much that you feel like you can’t come up for air? That is how much my mother loves me, although I’m the product of rape. Her love is suffocating—being loved is just like being suffocated.

  My mother has never told me who my father was or is. I can’t imagine how hard it was for her to make the choice to raise me, but she did. I love her for loving me that much, but some days it is so overwhelming.

  Our home is far from fancy, we live on the rougher side of the train tracks. Most of our furniture is hand me downs from friends. I babysit on the weekends for cash to get what I need for school, but it barely covers my supplies. We really can’t afford the rent here, even with government assistance, but mom has a deal worked out with the landlord, or as I call him the slumlord. What kind of deal do they have? I don’t want to know.

  My mother lights up her cigarette adding to the already stale smell of smoke and liquor. I hate going to school smelling like a bar.

  I place my bowl in the sink and slip my hoodie on over my t-shirt. I grab my black faded messenger bag I scored at the missionary for free last week after tucking my iPhone inside, I feel naked whenever I forget it. The only reason I have my phone is because it’s Penny’s old one I just have to pay my bill. I do one of those prepay monthly deals. I would never be able to afford it otherwise.

  I am not big into church but I love gospel music and singing with the choir. I started going to church because when my mom gets angry with me she calls me an abomination and I wanted God to know that I’m not something bore from hate. I try so hard to be a good person. It may be weird to some but church is where I go on evenings I know my mom has a ‘date’. I am always afraid one of her clients will think they can have me as well. It’s safer if I’m not home.

  Our neighbors probably think that my mother is a drug dealer with all the men who come and go throughout the week. But then again, the old woman next door can hardly hear or see, so she probably doesn’t even notice.

  I wave at Mrs. Jennings as I shut the front gate to our yard.

  “Have you seen Percy?” She asks standing by the edge of the chain link fence that divides our yards. Percy is one of her many cats. Yes, I live next to a crazy cat lady.

  “No, he is probably somewhere getting warm Deloris.” I have to speak louder than I would like, but if I don’t practically yell in her face, she won’t hear a word I say. Percy probably threw himself into oncoming traffic. The woman is really sweet, but if she talks Percy’s ear off as much as she does mine, then there is a good chance he has ran away. I say goodbye, making a promise to come over for dinner, later this week. I know she is just lonely. I go over and check on her when I can, or when I just need to get away, from my mom. I have spent many nights eating with Mrs. Jennings, well Deloris. She takes offense if I call her Mrs. She has been like the grandma I never knew I wanted.

  Two blocks over Becks, short for Beckett, is waiting for me. Becks is my best friend, if it wasn’t for him I probably would have died of starvation in middle school. We met in the fifth grade when his family moved here from South Carolina. He is wearing a huge grin on his face as he reaches me a Styrofoam cup of caramel vanilla goodness. He lives next to the Grab ‘N Go, so he always treats me, when he can.

  Becks is in that awkward stage of growing still. His head is too big for his skinny frame. I kid him that one
day his head will shrink to match the rest of him. Don’t get me wrong, he is cute enough, but he’s my Becks. I could never look at him any other way than my best friend.

  “You’re the best.” I poke him in the rib and he jumps. I laugh at how ticklish he is.

  He is always spoiling me with little surprises. Becks lives four blocks away from me, so we meet in the middle every school morning to walk with Penny. I think he has a thing for Penny but he would never admit it willingly. Penny is my other best friend. She lives closer to school, so we get hooked up with her on the way after we meet.

  Penny also dates Aaron Carver, the most popular guy in school. Aaron doesn’t care for Becks but he tolerates him for Penny. His father is a deacon at my church. We met in choir the summer before ninth grade when his father was transferred to serve here.

  Penny was love struck the first time she seen him when she attended a program I was singing in. I didn’t have the heart to tell her he took my virginity on a church trip in the back of a bus the summer before ninth grade. I pretend it never happened and Aaron has treated me like shit ever since. Well when Penny isn’t around.

  Every girl in school and most guys thinks he is something because he is captain of the basketball team. Even the other senior girls chase after him, and they normally go after older boys—college guys, or the coal miners. Needless to say, we make up an interesting group.

  We are a few weeks away from spring break. I usually spend most of break helping asshole Aaron and his dad at the mission. They are always in need of donations and volunteers. I am not looking forward to working with Aaron, especially since Penny won’t be with us; she is going with her family to visit her Grandma in Virginia. Becks said he would try to help, but knowing him, he will try to weasel out of it, so I am thinking of bailing on it all together. Aaron is pushy and always expects to get what he wants.

  We weave in and out of the morning traffic, finally reaching Penny’s house. She is dressed warmly, in her favorite red pea coat. Penny has the best of everything. Best clothes, best parents, nice home. Need I go on? She tugs her beret down over her wheat colored hair. One great thing about being friends with Penny is when she gets tired of something she gives it to me. The girl has a makeup fetish and is constantly giving me lipstick and eye shadow once she decides she hates it. We have been best friends since third grade when we bonded over our love of the Jonas Brothers. Not so much in love with them now, but hey, it was third grade.

  “Hey, Penny,” Becks greets her warmly and reaches her a croissant from his backpack. He is so thoughtful.

  “Um, thanks.” She takes the warm bread from him; the smell hits my nose making my stomach rumble embarrassingly. That small bowl of cereal just didn’t do it for me. “Spilt it with me, I can’t eat it all,” Penny offers.

  I scarf down my half in one bite. Becks shakes his head laughing at me. His sandy brown hair shakes and slithers in a wave like he should be in a shampoo commercial. It reaches right under his chin. It isn’t fair that a boy should have such beautiful silky hair when mine is a constant frizzy mess. Penny once gave me some smoother for it. The stuff worked a miracle on my hair, but I wasn’t able to afford to keep buying it, so now, I am back to the frizz.

  “What?” I bark.

  “Nothing,” he quips continuing to snicker.

  I step in front of them and continue the cold walk to school. I can tell it is about to snow soon. The air has a dampness to it that coats my throat when I breathe in. Once we get there, we take our turns going through the metal detectors. I once made the mistake of bringing a pair of nail clippers in my purse. I nearly was expelled. I mean I understand the whole no weapons rule but seriously what was I going to accomplish with nail clips. They didn’t even have one of those little things you can dig under your nails with on them. Besides, it isn’t as if we live in some big city. We live in a poor Kentucky coal-mining town, Muddy Waters, to be exact.

  The guys here either go to work in the coalmines straight out of high school or go away to college never to be seen again. And the girls, if they don’t get out of here to go to college, they end up pregnant and married to a miner by the age of twenty-three. I refuse to end up like that. I study hard and work hard at maintaining good grades. My dream is to move to New York and sing. A girl has to have dreams right?

  I leave Penny at her locker with Becks and head down to the south hall to mine. I hate that our lockers are so far apart, but it’s actually better for me being on this end. It’s closer to my first period History class. I linger at my locker a little too long before realizing the second bell has rang. Mr. Lowe does not tolerate tardiness. Slamming my locker shut, I nearly scream when I turn around and bump straight into the chest of Aaron.

  “Katie,” he says my name sickly sweet in a singsong tone twirling my hair around his finger.

  I smack his hand away. “What do you want peter cheese?” I am always thinking of a new insulting name to call him. The real Aaron comes out whenever Penny isn’t around. I tried to tell her about his horrible behavior once and she got mad at me and didn’t speak to me for a week. It was awful, so now I keep his asshole episodes to myself.

  “Valentine’s Day party this weekend at my place. Parents are going to be out of town. You should come. Could be like old times, I haven’t forgotten how sweet you were.” He leans in close, pressing my back against the row of lockers.

  “I’m sure you understand that I have better things to do with my time.” I try to step around him, but he steps in closer to me, pressing me into the locker.

  He pinches my bottom lip roughly, staring at me with this weird expression on his face. He closes his eyes briefly and it freaks me out. “Um, what are you doing?” I ask hesitantly, not sure if I want to know the answer.

  “Did you think I wanted to kiss your frog lips?” he laughs and punches the locker beside of my head.

  Kai Cooper picks the perfect moment to interrupt whatever game Aaron was playing just now. Aaron bumps roughly into his shoulder. “Watch it loser,” he barks loudly at him.

  Most guys would shrink away from Aaron but not Kai; he is his own brand of special. Kai Cooper, also known as the school stoner to most. To me he is Mr. Mystery.

  Kai is that mysterious guy. The one you know skips class and smokes in the bathroom. I just wish he’d leave me alone and allow me to disappear like most do, other than Beckett and Penny. He has made it his personal mission to drive me insane ever since sixth grade when we were put into a closet together to play seven minutes in heaven. He licked my face like a dog, it was gross and I screamed and kneed him in the nuts.

  I admit my reaction was a tad dramatic, but he really took me by surprise. I hope for his girlfriend’s sake, if he has one, that he has improved his technique. I have been trying to figure that boy out for years with no luck. He keeps to himself, well when he is around. I catch him staring at me a lot. It should freak me out but Kai is sort of hot, he has that whole bad boy thing going for him. His dad owns Cooper Energy—the coal company. His parents are loaded, but they do a lot to give back to our poor town. They have been trying for years to get us a Walmart.

  “You okay, want me to kick his ass.” He tries to joke but I don’t find fighting all that funny, not when I have spent many nights locked in my room, after being hit by my mom. “Want to get out of here?”

  “No thanks,” I mumble. It is sweet of him to offer, but I have never cut school before.

  I try to dip my head so that I am not looking him in the eyes. He does have a gorgeous pair of forest greens and dimples to match, but I’d never be caught dead admitting that to anyone. He cups my chin harshly forcing me to look at him. I blow out an exasperated breath, getting annoyed with his delusional hero agenda of the day. He sweeps his thumb over my lips and a warm feeling spreads through my veins. My heart rate increases. What in the hell is wrong with me? I don’t have time to fall for boys in high school and especially not Kai Cooper.

  “Well if you change your mind Kat—you just let
me know. I’m sure I have a pair of pliers in my locker that can get that stick out of your ass.” He walks away whistling.

  Kai is the only person who calls me Kat. He has called me that since sixth grade. I don’t know much about him now, other than what people whisper about him in the halls, or from what I read about the good his family does in the local paper.

  God today must be asshole day. Now I am officially five minutes late for class. Great, just great.

  Chapter 2

  After being embarrassed by Mr. Lowe in first period, I have managed to make it through Language Arts unscathed. Mr. Lowe is a big jerk and when you are tardy for his class, he forces students to stand in front of the class and give a speech on the importance of time management. I don’t get it. The speech just takes up more of his time, but I suppose he thinks embarrassing us will make us be on time. Whatever.

  I am headed to the cafeteria to get my crappy but free lunch. In warmer weather Penny, Becks and I normally sit outside on the bleachers at the football field. Now that it is too cold, we are forced inside the lunchroom, with everyone else who can’t afford to leave school grounds for lunch. Becks and Penny could probably afford it, but they stay for me, I guess. Not that I’m not grateful for them. I just hate that they care for me so much. I will never be able to repay them for all that they have done for me. I am merely surviving.

  I take my place in line and immediately my back stiffens, when the familiar wave of expensive cologne hits my nose. Kai.

  “Twice in one day. Stalking is a crime,” I say over my shoulder, not needing to see his smug face.

  He kicks the back of my Chuck Taylor with his giant jerk foot. “You wish frog lips.” My cheeks flame in anger at the name Aaron called me earlier. Great, more ammunition for Kai to annoy me with. I didn’t think he had heard what Aaron said. I hope he doesn’t say anything to Penny about it. I don’t want her getting mad at me.