The Weight Of Us Read online

  I hear my parents laughing, but I can’t hear what they are chatting about with Trey. I don’t know why I care. Trey made my place in his life known loud and clear with his actions, or lack of I should say.

  “Thanks for staying and cleaning up, baby.” Ma kisses my temple and squeezes my shoulders.

  “Of course,” I say with a yawn, feeling emotionally exhausted. If I don’t do it who will? I know she’s tired too.

  “I’m turning in. You and Trey can get the tables and chairs folded. He said he’s glad to help out.”

  Oh perfect.

  “You staying over or going home after?”

  “I’m going home. I open tomorrow,” I lie. I am ready to be away from Trey. He’s in the next room and his presence is smothering me.

  Dad and Trey join us as Ma rattles on about leaving the pots for tomorrow.

  “Nate and I can do the tables and chairs in the morning, don’t worry about them. You still have a key to Nate’s apartment, don’t you? Trey is going to run some of the boxes from the garage over for us while he’s here with his truck.”

  I nod as I put the last plate in. Dad kisses me goodnight, then him and Ma make their way upstairs leaving me on my own with Trey, and those damn grey eyes. He takes a step toward me. “Bunny, I know sorry doesn’t begin to cover my taking off like I did, but...”

  “Where were you?” I smack his chest.

  “My deployment got moved up and I had to go. I didn’t have a choice, baby.” He steps into me and pulls me close. My eyes bug out as he leans in close to me. What’s he doing? Is he going to kiss me? “Natalie, I love you. I’ve always loved you. But I got scared. I didn’t think it was fair to ask you to wait for me. What if I didn’t come home? In my mind it was the right thing to cut off contact. I couldn’t put you through the worry. I made a lot of mistakes, but my biggest one was running away from my feelings for you. I will never be good enough for you, but I am asking for a chance to try.”

  I can’t help it when I look into those eyes that hold my soul, I get angry. He has some damn nerve. I smack him and start to cry. He grips my waist, clinging to my hips. “Please. Bunny, I’m sorry.”

  I shake my head. I can’t do this with him right now. He has some damn nerve.

  “When did you come home?” I ask wondering if he’s been home longer than he has led me to believe.

  “I was in Germany for a while.” He swallows hard. “But I came home a few months ago after my divorce,” he confesses. He was married? What the serious fuck? No one ever thought to tell me this shit? I can feel angry vibrations starting to rattle through my body. “I took a new job in Monroe at a new mechanic shop. I had to get myself together for my son. He needed a father and I had to do what was needed to be there for him.”

  I try to pull away. Not wanting to hear anymore. Trey not only got married to someone they had a child together. I feel sick. Hurt. Betrayed.

  “Please, listen to me. I was dumb. I met Yvonne in Germany. She was an American studying abroad. I was lonely over there and there she was at the time. I was caught up in the moment, having fun and made a mistake. She contacted me six months later and told me she was pregnant. I did what I thought was the right thing. I found out the morning after we slept together. I was so confused. I didn’t want to hurt you, but…I did. I was scared. I called Joe JR and he told me to do the right thing. You deserved a good man, not some guy with nothing to offer but a kid on the way. It was Joe JR that made me see sense. He knew how I felt about you and he wouldn’t give me his blessing, until I got my shit straight. He made me promise I wouldn’t contact you until I was ready to give you the world. I fucked up but I’m here to right my wrongs, Nattie.”

  “You could have told me about the baby,” I tell him softening a tad. “I would have been there for you.”

  “I was scared to hurt you with the truth. I tried so hard to make shit work with Yvonne for our son, but we weren’t compatible. Will you give me a chance, Bunny?”

  I suck in a deep breath. Is he really asking me this right now? “Trey, you show up after years of no contact expecting me to just give you everything like you didn’t ghost me? Like you didn’t believe in me. You didn’t even give me a fair chance. You took the choice away from me. What if I’m with someone?” I’m not but he doesn’t know that.

  “You’re not,” he says firmly.

  “What makes you so sure?”

  “Because, you’re mine. You’ve been mine since we were seven years old, and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

  He’s looking at me full of assurance.

  “Say yes already!” Ma calls from the stairway. Her and Dad are watching with tears in their eyes. They knew. I can’t even be upset that they are spying. It’s not like they can help themselves. They love to meddle.

  “Whatta ya say, Bunny. Are you gonna be my girl?” The way Trey is looking at me with such hope makes it hard to gaze into his eyes and tell him no.

  “I don’t know, Trey.” I shake my head. “I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but how do I know you won’t run on me again?’

  “You don’t. All I am asking for is a real shot.”

  My head is screaming no, but my heart is yelling yes.

  “Okay. I have questions.”

  “I’ve got answers.” He grins.

  “Trey. I’m not making any promises.”

  “I accept that.”

  Ma and Dad offer congratulations and hug us both before going upstairs for real. I’ll break their hearts later, once Trey tries to break my heart all over again. I don’t have faith in him. Not after the stunt he pulled.

  I look down at our entwined fingers knowing he isn’t promising forever. He only wants a chance to see if there is something still between us. I know I should tell him all the reasons we will never work right now, but when he’s looking at me like that, I can scarcely breathe.

  “Where do we go from here?” I ask unsure of what the future holds once we step out of my parent’s kitchen.

  “To drop those boxes off, then hopefully you’ll let me sleep next you tonight, and hold you in my arms, after I make up for leaving you last time.”

  “I can try,” I whisper, hoping like hell I can be strong enough to let him go.

  I’m terrified to put myself out on a limb for him. But I am even more scared of the regret I will feel if I don’t see this night through at least.

  **

  The moment we enter Nate’s apartment Trey drops the boxes and goes straight for the kill.

  His mouth is on mine, fiery and all consuming. I have never been able to resist him. Not even when he would piss me off when we were kids. He gave me the nickname Bunny one summer when I gave myself a haircut and my pigtails would stand straight up. He said they looked like rabbit ears and started calling me Bunny. I used to cry at first when he’d call me that but as we grew older it became a term of endearment.

  “Trey…” I pull back, but he doesn’t let up. The man is relentless.

  “I told you, Nattie. I came back this time for you. I’m not taking no for an answer. I’m not walking away. You can fight me. Fight this pull between us, but I will keep coming back.” He nips at my bottom lip with his teeth and my knees nearly buckle.

  His hand slides up the back of my shirt, searing me with his heated touch.

  I don’t want to fight this. I want to give in and be with him if only for tonight and come morning I want to do to him what he did to me. I want to vanish. I want to give him a taste of his own medicine. I want him to sit and wonder. I want to punish him. I know it sounds childish, but I feel like it would make me feel a hell of a lot better. What Trey doesn’t know. What no one knows is when we made love that first and only time, I got pregnant too. The pregnancy was a tubal. I lied and told my parents I had the stomach flu and a bad period. They believed my lie. All I wanted was for Trey to be there. For him to hold me and tell me everything was gonna be all right even if it wasn’t. I’ve always wondered what could have been had I
been able to carry our child. I never got the chance to tell him and now I doubt I ever will.

  “Stop overthinking it. We’ve always been good together.” He comes in for another kiss and I am a goner. I’m consumed and fueled by passion.

  As though we haven’t spent years apart.

  Chapter 12

  Audrey

  Nate’s been moving his things in next door for the past two weeks. I’ve been trying not to ogle him through the peephole as he walks past my door, but I can’t help but steal glances at him.

  He makes me feel not so alone

  He makes me feel whole again.

  I know he isn’t a replacement, and it isn’t healthy, but watching Nate is like a damn drug. I can’t get enough. I am like a fucking addict craving just a glimpse of him. I mean yeah, he resembles Joey, but I know they aren’t the same person. Maybe I am just lonely and seriously fucked in the head, but I look forward to seeing Nate.

  He has been keeping his distance, and we haven’t worked the same shift at the bar not once. I know we can’t avoid each other forever, but for now it’s working. At least it had been until Nattie changed our plans.

  She sprung her vacation on me a few days ago. She says she needs some time away. Time to clear her head. I guess Trey, a guy she has pined for her whole life showed up and rocked her world off axis. He has a kid and an ex-wife. It sounds like a bunch of drama and I can’t blame her for wanting to check out of reality. God knows I checked out the day Joey was taken away from me.

  I understand where Natalie is coming from, but at the same time it’s hard to see her giving up what I was supposed to have with Joey. Trey wants to go all in and for them to be a family together.

  The poor guy has all but moved into the bar to drown his sorrows. He is so upset over my bestie shooting him down. I have tried talking to her about it, but she shuts me down every time. It stings but I guess I deserve it after freezing her out like I did when I was grieving.

  She left this morning and Trey took off after she did. I can’t be mad. I know she needs to do this.

  The timing sucks, but I would never dream of telling her no. She’s been so good to me through all of my shit and held my hand through it all. Even when I didn’t deserve her friendship, she was there for me. She’s never let me down, and I can suffer a week with Nate for her sake if it will make her happy.

  She is going on a cruise to the Bahamas. I’m totally jealous. While she is on the beach sipping fruity cocktails, I’ll be here with my dead boyfriend’s brother.

  It wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t such an asshole. Sure, he is sexy to look at and intriguing at times, but he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me.

  I mean, why shouldn’t we be friends? I do own part of his business.

  I can hear him now banging against the wall. I hope he hasn’t brought his mystery woman home with him for another round.

  I turn my movie up louder and snuggle deeper in my blanket, trying to get comfortable.

  A few minutes late someone is pounding on my door. Ugh, its early Sunday morning, and I haven’t slept, after singing last night and talking with his sister about her travel plans and her love life. When I tried to get some rest all I could do was think of Joey and what we will never experience together. We never got to take a vacation together. The closest we ever got was when he took me to dinner, and a hotel for the night on our anniversary. Not that I am complaining. He was so romantic, I thought that maybe he was going to propose to me, but he didn’t.

  Even without a proposal, it was the perfect date. We ate steak and shrimp by candlelight. We had the whole back dining room to ourselves. I may have gone down on Joey from under the table too.

  I pretended to drop my napkin and slid under the tablecloth. When I came back up, I was between his legs.

  We had such a good time.

  Inching my fingers up his thighs I make my way to his zipper.

  “Audrey, what are you doing?” His voice is shaky. I know getting it on in public makes him nervous.

  “I’m ready for dessert,” I whisper, eager to touch and taste him.

  “You can’t mean to be doing that here.”

  I don’t answer. I finish what I started and continue rubbing over the bulge in his boxer briefs. He groans in response and slides down in the seat giving me a better angle to work with. Growing more erect under my touch. My man is no longer protesting, instead he’s enjoying what I’m offering.

  “Fuck, Audrey,” he hisses under his breath as my tongue licks him from base to tip with his thick cock fully exposed now.

  Pre-cum beads on the head of his dick. I lick it up and suck him between my lips, eager to get him off. I know it turns him on when I swallow.

  The pounding grows louder, and more urgent, breaking me from my memories. “What?” I scream as I make for the door.

  I throw the door open and come face to face with Nate. A very shirtless Nate. Sweat is trickling down his chest, rolling straight down the delicious V that disappears beneath the waist of his basketball shorts. God he looks all sexy and brooding.

  “Think you can turn that shit down?”

  “Think you can stop being so Goddamn loud?” I spit back.

  “You gotta mouth on ya. Like a little firecracker ready to shoot off and all you need is a spark.” He steps into me, too close, smelling too damn good. All manly with a hint of sweat. “Can. You. Turn. Down. The. Volume?” he enunciates the question slowly and his breath is tickling my nose.

  I look up at him, our mouths are so close. “If you keep it down so will I, but I like it loud.” I smirk, hinting at his performance from his first night back.

  He winks, and I melt a little at this playful side of him. “I’ll keep that in mind.” His voice is husky, sexy. Then he flicks my forehead hard with his fingers and stomps the few feet back to his place.

  I inhale sharply, frozen in place, shaken by how he made me feel being so in my face. I don’t move until he bangs on the wall screaming for me to turn the TV down.

  Part of me wants to turn it up louder just to spite him, and make him come back, but I don’t. I turn the volume down and curl up in bed, hugging Joey’s pillow.

  The next few days at the bar don’t go much better. I’m on day two of working next to Nate. It’s a slow day and he already sent Sasha and Freddie home. Said he’d call them back in if things picked up tonight. Lewis already scheduled the day off for a dentist appointment.

  A baseball game plays on the big screen behind the bar, and I want to poke my eyes out. I’m not into sports. Every time I change the channel the asshole turns it back.

  I swear he does it just to piss me off and it’s working. I think he is trying to annoy me until I give in and take the day off too.

  He doesn’t realize I don’t like to lose. I never give in. I always got my way with Joey, and I got used to getting what I want.

  “Can we at least compromise?” I ask as he wipes invisible spots from the shot glasses for what seems like the ninth time.

  “Nope,” he answers quickly.

  Okay then, I guess I will drive him nuts by singing ABBA. I go behind the bar, and I toss back a Jager Bomb for luck and make my way to the stage. The man is driving me to drinking again. Dancing Queen blares through the speakers. I can see Nate clenching his jaws as he busies himself with sweeping the clean floor. It only makes me sing louder.

  I’m on my third rendition of the song when he snaps, unplugging the sound system from the outlets.

  “Enough with the noise. What do you want to watch?”

  I grin at him. I knew I would break him. Flicking the tip of his nose I tell him, “The Romance Channel is showing some great movies. They’re having a Nicholas Sparks marathon.”

  His mouth curves down as he frowns, rubbing his nose. “Are you trying to kill me. I don’t watch that sappy shit.”

  “You do now,” I gloat changing the channel.

  “Let’s at least make it interesting. For every main character tha
t dies, we do a shot.”

  “You’re on big shot.” I saunter behind the bar and start pouring.

  We are only two movies into marathon as the rain pours outside the bar. I am feeling slightly buzzed and I think Nate is too.

  Noah and Allie are dancing in the street on the screen.

  I let out a sigh and Nate says, “What? Why do you have that dreamy look in your eyes?”

  “Isn’t that so romantic. I’ve always wanted to be spontaneous like that.”

  “Come on.” Nate grabs my hand.

  “Where are going?” I question, perplexed as he leads me to the door.

  He arches a brow and points at the empty bar. “It isn’t like anyone will miss us.”

  I still don’t know what we are doing but I follow him out onto the outside patio into the rain.

  I look to Nate as he pulls me to him and starts swaying to the sound of the rain as it beats down on the pavement. “Have you lost your mind?”

  “I never claimed to have had it to start with.” He laughs as the rain continues to fall and I lay my head on his shoulder and do my best not enjoy the moment he is giving me. I try not to think about Joey right now but it’s hard. This is the sort of thing he would have done for me.

  God do I miss him, but if I am being honest. Nate is taking up a lot more space in my head these days. It makes me feel like a shit person, but Joey isn’t here.

  Chapter 13

  Nate

  Motherfucker. Audrey is making me crazy. I don’t know how much longer I can take seeing her face, and hearing her voice every morning and night, while she sings her way through her apartment, and into the shower.

  I’ve been beating off to the sound of her voice every morning while taking my shower. Not to mention the fact that my sister took off to the Bahamas, leaving me alone with Audrey on the days Lewis has scheduled off. I can’t escape her or my growing attraction to her.